TW: This piece discusses eating disorders and eating disorder behaviors I slept in until 8 a.m. on a sunny February day. It was my first day without treatment in over a month. I had stepped down from a partial hospitalization program, where I spent five days a week receiving treatments for my eating disorder, to an intensive outpatient program, which was three days a week. In addition to treatment, I was a full-time student and working two jobs (my future therapist would be horrified that I did all that while in treatment). I felt lost but kept saying to myself, “Just breathe, just eat, don’t purge. Just breathe, just eat, don’t purge.”
Thank you for these beautiful words. As someone with an extensive history of EDs, I really appreciate your disclaimer near the end that many more hard days and dark places came after your profound "moment of being okay." I have experienced similar moments of okay-ness and relief only to be discouraged when the hard stuff inevitably makes its return. I love how you give this moment in Trader Joe's the recognition and regard it deserves in the longer arc of your recovery.
I hate when people talk about recovery as if magically one day you are better and things are perfect! I WISH it was that way, but it's so much more complicated than that so you have to appreciate the moments of peace
Thank you for these beautiful words. As someone with an extensive history of EDs, I really appreciate your disclaimer near the end that many more hard days and dark places came after your profound "moment of being okay." I have experienced similar moments of okay-ness and relief only to be discouraged when the hard stuff inevitably makes its return. I love how you give this moment in Trader Joe's the recognition and regard it deserves in the longer arc of your recovery.
I hate when people talk about recovery as if magically one day you are better and things are perfect! I WISH it was that way, but it's so much more complicated than that so you have to appreciate the moments of peace