Flying While Fat: She Called Me 'Disgusting'
Lucky for her, I wasn't going to put up with that
TW: This piece mentions specific weight numbers and anti-fat bias
I walked down the aisle of the plane and arrived at my seat. “Excuse me,” I said. “That’s my seat.” The man in the aisle seat happily stood up. The woman at the window looked me up and down with disgust. “Oh boy… here we go,” I thought to myself.
I sat down. I was glad that my body wasn’t touching either of the people next to me. But that didn’t stop the woman beside me from making her discomfort known. She began moving my coat any time it drifted slightly into her space. She made sure her arm took up the entire armrest. Then she pulled out her phone. Any time I looked down, I could easily see her screen.
She typed: “Freaking 400-pound girl just sat next to me.”
The person she was texting responded: “DISGUSTING!”
She replied: “I know… It’s going to be a long flight.”
Let me be clear—being called 400 pounds is not an insult to me. If you think I’m 400 pounds, that’s fine. What is deeply insulting is being called “disgusting” and having someone look me up and down with hatred as I take the seat I paid for. I won’t tolerate that kind of bigotry. And lucky for this woman, I was not here to play.
As soon as I saw that first message, I rang the flight attendant call button. We hadn’t taken off yet, and I wanted to get away from her ASAP. Unfortunately, the flight attendants were busy, and I had to wait.
In the meantime, she placed her phone on her knee—right next to me—and slowly typed with one finger. She complained about my leg shaking, about how I was “breathing heavy through my N95 mask.”
I wanted to scream, “MA’AM, I’M SHAKING BECAUSE YOUR HATRED MADE ME CRY,” but I held back.
Once we were in the air, she fell asleep. I hit the call button again. The flight attendant came over.
“Are there any open seats?” I asked. “The lady next to me keeps texting about how I’m fat and disgusting.”
The flight attendant looked horrified. “There aren’t any open seats, but I’ll see what I can do,” she said.
She quickly informed another attendant of the situation and arranged for me to switch seats with someone behind me. She also asked an off-duty pilot sitting nearby to keep an eye on the rude woman.
As I stood up, my former seatmate looked shocked, confused, and a little scared. I could see in her eyes that she knew it was her fault I was moving. Maybe she overheard me while half-asleep—but we’ll never know.
The flight attendant was a gem for the rest of the flight. She offered me free drinks and brought first-class snacks. I was exhausted, so I just slept.
The reality is, I know privilege allowed me to stand up for myself. I’m a small fat. Doctors aren’t constantly telling me my weight will kill me. I can still find clothes to wear (even if it’s mostly online). I don’t need a seatbelt extender. And most relevate to this situation, I can fit in an airplane seat. I’m not forced to buy two seats as is required for larger passengers who can’t fit in the seats.
I knew that because I’m on the smaller end of the fat spectrum, it was safer for me to speak up. Just two days earlier, a woman had been assaulted on a plane because her seatmate didn’t want to sit next to “a [expletive] fat lady.”
I stood up to this woman not just for myself, but for anyone she might sit next to in the future. I’m the average size of an AFAB person in the U.S.—she needs to get used to not being a bigot and sitting next to people like me.
I wish we lived in a world where people blamed airlines for the size of the seats, instead of blaming the people who paid for them. As airlines have maximized profits, seats have gotten smaller. Larger seats would benefit everyone. But instead, people expect strangers to shrink themselves.
In my opinion, if you don’t want to sit next to a fat person, you should have to buy two seats.
As I got off the plane, I thanked the flight attendant for making a bad experience so much better. She said, “I just wanted to tell you—I’m really proud of you for standing up for yourself. That must’ve been hard, but I’m so glad you did it.”
I walked off the plane and found my former seatmate. There were so many things I wanted to say. I could’ve told her about my history of an eating disorder—but people deserve respect regardless.
So I simply said, “You and I both know these airplane seats are small. And even if I were thin, I’d still be able to see your text messages. I hope you have the day you deserve.”
She shrunk into herself and muttered a “sorry.”
I walked away feeling grateful. The world around me has tried to shrink me, but I’ve found power in my body.
I've been a flight attendant for 24 years and I had a man ask me if I remembered him. I said I was sorry, he didn't look familiar as I see hundreds of people in a day. He told me he had lost more than 150 lbs over the last few years and that I had been working a flight he was on before he lost the weight. He said "I remember you because you treated me with respect and your co-workers definitely DID NOT". You never know who's going to come back around.
I find people with petty gripes are often the loudest, people who truly have a reason to be upset remain quiet. I am always ready to advocate for anyone dealing with this kind of bullshit. There's no reason to put up with someone being hostile in a shared space, so good for you for shutting it down. Have the kind of day you deserve, INDEED.
You really gave this woman so much more grace than she deserved.... proud of u