Lessons from my 20s

Part 1: A decade of learning to be

Thiry, (still learning how to be) flirty, and (trying to be) thriving!

I spent my 20th birthday in back-to-back meetings and classes from 8 a.m. to 11 p.m. I think I ate cake with my friends late that night, but I truly don’t remember. During that time, I packed my days. I thought that if I kept busy, I wouldn’t have to acknowledge my emotions or eat. Everything would be fine!! I could just push myself forever, and we’d be good to go!! Spoiler alert—I was wrong. By January, I was in a Partial Hospitalization Program for eating disorders.

That birthday embodies so much of what I felt at 20: burned out, deeply unworthy, a non-stop worker, and completely exhausted.

I turned 30 last week. I had dinner plans, but no other solid plans. I took two naps, video chatted with my family, bought myself lunch, and went rock climbing. In the evening, I met up with friends at a dive bar. Twelve of us squeezed around two small tables as we laughed and ate incredible food. When I went home, my roommate had made me ice cream sandwiches. We ate them on the couch and hung out with our dog. I felt the bliss of just being.

Reasons I'm Glad I Lived

It’s amazing how much can change in a decade. I’ve learned sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomany lessons. Some I learned the easy way, and others I learned in the trenches of life. I’d much rather have learned some of these lessons while in perfect health, with no grief or trauma, but that’s not what my 20s had in store for me!!

Journaling by the water right before my 21st birthday.

Lessons from my 20s (part 1)

1. You must feel your feelings. If you don’t, they will come out in other ways.

2. The normal amount of pain is none. If you’re in pain regularly, that’s not normal (neither is being tired all the time when you’re getting the proper amount of sleep).

3. If a cookie recipe calls for brown sugar, use half light and half dark. This will add amazing depth of flavor.

4. Genetic testing for psychiatric medication is a game-changer.

5. Grief will teach you the most about living. It forces you to experience every part of the human experience—the sorrow and darkness, but also the joy and beauty.

6. Leopard print is a neutral.

7. You should not feel guilty about things that bring you pleasure.

8. Eating disorders and other addictive behaviors are maladaptive coping skills. Don’t shame your past self for coping in the best way they knew how.

9. Celebrate getting through the hard shit in life!! Surviving the impossible is way more impressive than getting a job promotion. Go out and celebrate that. Throw yourself a party!!

10. If your workplace calls itself a family, RUN (do you know how dysfunctional families can be??).

11. Take all your vacation and days off. Working 16 days without a day off is not a flex. (Of course, there are plenty of people who don’t have the option to take a day off for financial reasons. I’m talking about those of us who can, but choose not to.)

12. Bad therapists can do way more harm than good. Good therapists are really hard to find, but once you find the right one, it’s worth the time spent searching..

13. If you think the “lite” food option tastes better, you’re either lying to yourself or you’ve lost some of your sense of taste due to disordered eating. Once you start eating again, taste comes back and it’s magical.

14. You know your body better than anyone else.

15. No one can tell you how something made you feel.

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This week in comfort

• I had to fly this week. I played solitaire on the plane TV the entire time. I was able to avoid taking anxiety medication because it was such a good distraction.

• The Miss Continental Pageant was last week, so I’m spending my social media time watching all the videos from the pageant. Those contestants are just NEXT LEVEL.

• What brings me comfort these days is photos of my niece (which I’m not going to share on the internet). She’s perfect and I hope you have a 5-month-old niece you can look at photos of regularly because it’s really the best thing ever.